Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
