Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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