I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
