The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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