Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I did not marry a roomba.
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