Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
