Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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