Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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