i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
