dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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