She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
