I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
