I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
