i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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