I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
