Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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