Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
