i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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