I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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