You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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