Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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