Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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