you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
