Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
