Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
