she smelled like a LAN party
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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