I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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