Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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