My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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