i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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