how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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