the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fill condoms, not promises.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
