I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
