im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
