i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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