Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
