Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the condom got lost in my hair
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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