In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm bleeding and have questions
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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