It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
