coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
