He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
