I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
