Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
