she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
