She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
