Screwed.edu
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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