new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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