Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
