i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
