I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
