You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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