Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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