We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize