Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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