My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
