Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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