Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
