btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
