I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
