my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
try to milk me bitch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
