best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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