Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As shirtless as possible
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
