my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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