I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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